The Elephant In Your Living Room Syndrome

Written by Diane Carol Mark.

Listen to The Elephant In Your Living Room Syndrome

Your friends are usually the ones who point it out to you first—it isn’t something that you notice even though the situation lumbers over you like an elephant in your living room. You feel frustrated to be blindsided since you imagine that for all the work you’ve done, you ought to notice when you’re in the danger zone. I feel the same way.

It’s nearly your dream

The elephant turns up through something you believe you want: a relationship, a job or a new place to live. It has all the trappings of what you dream of experiencing. If it’s a relationship, then this is a person who connects with you. He strikes a deep cord. You have seriously engaging conversations, spiritual/sexual communion, abundant common ground, and a shared lifestyle. But, there’s that darn elephant warning.

You deny the elephant. Surely you don’t want him to be present. You hope to continue the relationship and ignore the repeating messages. What are those? You have a gut feeling that something is not right. You know it should be obvious to you, but the problem is, this situation connects with one of your deep desires. The danger is that if you don’t heed your warnings, but continue to proceed down that relationship path you may hurt yourself—again.

What are the warnings

A warning may be that you experience a lack of communication that defies common sense. Or, it might be tones of anger in someone’s voice. You notice this tone repeats over time and during a variety of subjects that you discuss. This person may conjure up memories of a toxic relationship from your past—a trigger, a warning to be considered with the rest of your messages. In other words, in this situation you experience sufficient warnings that if another person were standing in your shoes, they’d run! But you don’t, at least not yet.

Why is that? It’s because you’re truly experiencing vibrations that move your soul while you’re engaged with this person. With sufficient inner strength, you may choose to believe in yourself and say “no”. You may move on even if it requires more strength of will than you believe you currently have.

A job that shifts

How about another example: a job. This is a work effort that once resonated with you. You were able to contribute and were recognized. But over time even though you still have a workload and ample projects, the environment has changed. Perhaps the company was sold and there’s new management, or there was a reorg and you’re tossed into a new group. Or, new people were added to your team with conflicting agendas or ideas about the collective work effort.

What was once a positive situation has now become stressful and challenging. Yet, since it happened quickly, and the job market is in disarray, you ignore the warnings and remain in the now toxic environment. This is another type of elephant in your living room.

A residence that turns sour

Perhaps you’re living in a lovely property that you’ve either owned or rented for some time. Maybe you’ve improved the property, planted and nurtured a healing garden, or you just love the location. But now, the community has decided to route a light rail through your neighborhood. Suddenly, the property values have changed. The noise, the traffic and the ambiance are completely different. You recall the days when you felt incredible joy on your land. But now, the situation is toxic since it disturbs your mind. You agonize over where you’ll go next.

How you leap ahead

How do you notice when you’re in another danger zone, and take action quickly—stride out of the room. Do you believe that you’ll never find those gratifying experiences again? That there won’t be another group of colleagues who you vibed with so well, or another love affaire that inspired you with so much magic? Why are we usually the last ones to notice when our friends point it out so easily?

When you recognize that whether it’s a relationship, a job or a residence, believe you may let go with assurance and that life will truly deliver a better situation—that is, if you have the confidence to experience the pain of separation, then you’re 99% there.

Now, your elephant dissolves like a cloud disperses from the sky on a windy day.